Marching band practice and such starts this week. I was looking at the program from our concert last night, and it had the marching band schedule in it, already planned out and stuff. It really looks like we have a lot more practices this year than we did last year, which he said we were going to have way less...

But I guess as soon as we get invited to the Hollywood Christmas parade thing, we have to work twice as hard because everyone's expecting us to be so great.

Ugh, the whole day I've been thinking about whether I truly want to do band at all. I feel like the only thing still holding me to it is this California parade, which hasn't even been approved by the school board yet.

AND we have that memorial day parade coming up, so I really hope it's not hot out for that. Considering I felt like I was going to pass out during the homecoming parade last year xD and I'm so out of shape right now, I probably can't even hold my instrument up. I mean I could always switch back to flute, but I'd rather stay away from that, because things get back to the director faster when you're in that section...

This kinda sucks, because there's so much band stuff coming up, for marching band and graduation band. That we're required to do for a grade D: I'm not going to have time to do homework, let alone anything I actually enjoy. And it makes me kinda sad because I already haven't been able to draw much lately, and I guess it's gonna stay that way for a while x'D

I guess the question I keep asking myself is whether I'm willing to let something that makes me miserable get in the way of improving in something I really enjoy. And it's slightly disgusting, because apparantly I AM willing to let it... lesigh.

Oh, stupid speed racer. I just saw it again today in imax (EPIC! C: ) And the whole "It doesn't matter if racing changes, what matters is if we let racing change us" thing is what's kinda been making me think over this whole band thing >.> I used to be so happy all the time xD And now I'm so angry and uncaring.

Oh, I haven't mentioned that I can't even bring myself to care about my grades anymore. I used to get amazing grades, but now I get awful grades on my tests and I forget my homework all the time. Everytime something like that used to happen I'd be really bummed, but now I just look at it like "Oh. Right. Yeah."

After I quit wind ensemble I was doing really well in school again, but then he had to freak out at me for basically nothing and make me feel like crap again and that's when I really stopped caring... I hate that band's making me feel like this xD Maybe I really should just quit.

And make new friends :c I need more. Ugh. I really hope that if I ever decide to quit my friends won't stop talking to me. I think that's another reason I feel compelled to stay in it :\ I mean as of lately no one really seems to actually WANT to talk to me. I could just be being a stupid little emo kid. But yeah.

Opinions?